


Take Out

by ThatGoblin



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Anal Sex, F/M, Gen, Kinda non-con, M/M, Vampire!Link, but nothing really happens, demon!rhett, just two dudes being bros, she high on the demon lust, two bros being dudes, two dudes fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24751252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGoblin/pseuds/ThatGoblin
Summary: Link and Rhett hang out at their usual bar watching baseball before getting take out. They don't know her name, but they never do.
Relationships: Rhett McLaughlin & Link Neal, Rhett McLaughlin/Link Neal, Rhett McLaughlin/Link Neal/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	Take Out

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't put a true warning cause it's not. . . -sighs- it is non-con, but just. . . it's not mean. gods why am I doing this! Just warning cause it's undressing and kissing without consent with a sex demon. there.

He’d been around too long to be bothered by most things, but waking up with a splitting headache after a few decades of never having one was definitely something to be bothered about. How much had he drank last night? Through bleary eyes he spied a few dozen bottles on his coffee table across the room from where he’d passed out the day before. Had it been the previous day? The vampire wasn’t too sure as the days and nights blended together so easily it was tough to keep track of things. 

Grunting, he stood up before stumbling a moment. Where were his pants? 

The whole room was trashed, beer bottles and other questionable substances littered the ground and all surfaces and the multiple bodies. He counted at least five in the room with him, till he tripped on one. 

Make that six. 

“Fuck,” he groaned as his agility didn’t save him in his drunk/drugged state. Falling flat on his face, he laid there a moment before pushing himself to his feet. 

“Link, where’re you going baby?” A woman groaned, the one he tripped on. “Stay a bit longer.”

“Sorry, Darlin’,” Link drawled as he found a pair of pants. “It’s time I moved on. Pretty sure your friends are gonna be pissed when they wake up and see all their coke gone.” They looked about his size at least. Sliding on the leather slacks, he decided they fit good enough as he zipped and buttoned them before tucking in his chiffon, leopard print button up. It was his own shirt and it had been his only possession he’d kept since he’d been turned at an 80’s nightclub. That and a gold chain that he’d bought at a pawn shop when he was 18. 

Grabbing a black blazer and his boots after a quick search, he was out the door. Glancing out a window before heading down the stairs of the apartment building he was in, Link saw it was night. Just in time for him to take a walk and clear his head before he headed towards his usual bar. It was a run down thing that had mostly preternaturals in it, the vampires, demons, werewolves, fairies, goblins, etc. Sometimes it had humans, they were usually food though. 

Digging in the pockets of his blazer, well now it was his, he found a wad of money and a packet of smokes. 

“This must be my lucky day,” he chuckled as he pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. Sure, he didn’t really need to breathe, but sometimes it came off sexy and that was how he got his meals. Most of the time he didn’t kill his donors, that was bad publicity, unless they got on his nerves. That night he was feeling peckish for someone particular though. Someone young and wide eyed. Maybe there would be a lost ingenue at the bar hoping for some guidance after moving to Los Angeles. Those were like cake to him. Sweet and innocent, maybe get a fuck out of it. 

“Link, get the hell out of my bar!” The bartender yelled as the vampire entered the building. 

“I have money this time, Frank,” Link grinned, slapping down a couple hundred dollars as he took a seat at the bar across from the wiry man. 

“Well then, come have a seat,” Frank snorted as he walked over to promptly take the bills Link had pulled out. “Are you hunting tonight or just drinking? We don’t have anything in stock other than pigs blood.”

“Pigs blood? Frank, come on, man. You gotta talk to your supplier about these shortages. How’s a vampire to grow up big and strong if all you’ve got is pigs blood?” Link moaned, rolling his head back.

“Take it up with Lorenzo. He’s the one that’s been delivering. His supplier’s the one that’s shorting everyone,” Frank said as he pulled a mostly clean glass from under the bar then poured Link a healthy amount of whiskey. 

“Everyone? Man, what the crap?” Link said with a huff.

“Blame the fanatics in this town,” Frank said. “Word is there’s another cult in town trying to eradicate all the sin on earth.”

“But there’s literally. . .” Link had to pause as he began to count in his head. “A lot. There’s so many cults that do that and yet we’ve never had a shortage before.”

“This one has a doctor among them,” a ghoul said in a raspy voice, speaking up from next to Link. The pale skin that was stretched taut over a skull with white eyes and dark lips made the vampire recoil and gag. “Oh fuck you, vamp.”

“Sorry, just. . .Your face is horrible,” Link grimaced. “Again, doesn’t explain shortages because there’s always doctors, lawyers, priests, politicians. Hell, if they’re rich, white, and alive I’d be surprised they’re not in a cult.”

“It’s the doctor that’s in charge of all the area hospitals,” the ghoul said. “Corpses, blood, organs, it’s all on lock down. They’re trying to starve us out.”

“Says you,” a demon said with a chuckle. He sat next to Link, dwarfing the ghoul who looked up to see a mane of hair and a giant set of horns. “Relying on money grubbing humans to feed you is how you die or well, in your case, whither up to be a mummy.”

“Hey Rhett, didn’t see you come in,” Link said, giving the bearded demon a fist bump. “Hard night for you too?”

“Eh, it’s been boring. Not a lot of people are out with it being a weekday,” Rhett said with a shrug, raising his leather clad shoulders. The guy towered over everyone he met usually, even his motorcycle had to be customized to allow for his legs to not be cramped up. “Besides, the night is still young and I hear UCLA is having an open campus for incoming students.”

“Ooo, that’s right. That’s this weekend, ain’t it?” Link asked with a grin. He didn’t have to eat if he didn’t want to. It would make him cranky at most, but Rhett was different. He was an incubus and needed to feed every day. “Wanna do the bar crawl?”

“Only if you change your damn shirt,” the demon said with a smirk.

“Over my dead body,” Link hissed before they laughed. Another few shots and they were talking about the baseball game that was on the TV behind the bar, as not much else was happening. The regulars came and went while Link and Rhett bickered over baseball players, how the sport had changed, and something along the lines of if the Cubs were going to make a sacrifice that year to win the World Championship. Close to 1 AM as a storm poured cool rain on the usually dry city, the door opened to reveal a rain soaked person who quickly dashed inside. 

“Bathroom?” They asked, pulling back the hood of their jacket to reveal a wide, green eyed girl. 

“In the corner,” Frank grunted, not paying attention. 

Rhett and Link were. As soon as she went into the bathroom, the pair looked to each other with raised brows.

“Wanna go halfsies?” Link asked with a smirk. He’d let Rhett fuck the girl before Link drank her blood. The girl wouldn’t even be bothered by it as she rode out the orgasm of a lifetime. That was the thing with an incubus. They fed off sexual energy and were gods in bed. Link knew from a time or two that Rhett needed to feed and there wasn’t much of an option at the time. Vampires didn’t have too much energy to be fed off of, but it would do in a pinch. Same went for vampires feeding off of demons. 

“Sure,” Rhett said as he stood up from the bar. Before he could even step towards the women’s room though, a couple of bulky men walked into the bar in similar jackets to the girl. Their keen eyes looked around the small bar quickly before landing on Link and Rhett and Frank. 

The thing about humans and hiding from them, was that it was almost unnecessary. Unless they were drunk or high, they didn’t give two shits about Rhett’s horns or Link’s fangs. Hell, even the ghoul on the other side of Link would be given a free pass, especially since they were in LA. It was a medical condition or a tragic accident or something like that that humans used to explain away the odd.

“Did you see a girl run in here? About yay high with dark hair?” One asked, holding his hand at about about 5’5’’.

“No, why?” Rhett asked, raising a brow at them.

“Funny, cause we just saw her run in here,” the man said, narrowing his eyes. 

“Well you should probably get your eyes checked cause no girl came in here,” Link said with a sigh, giving the men a bored look. “If she had, you can be sure we would have noticed.” Waving his arms around to show a severe lack of anyone in the building other than the ones at the bar, Link snorted before downing his whiskey.

“Look, just tell us which way she went and we’ll be on our way,” the other man said, trying to be polite. Kind of. 

“Listen, guys, fuck off. Ain’t no girl in here so get the fuck out of my bar,” Frank snarled, his eyes glowing a toxic green. 

“You know, we tried to be nice, just ignore the disgusting filth that you are, but now you’re making us have to get rough,” the first man said, not even trying to hide the smirk on his face. 

“Told you there was a cult!” The ghoul called as Link and Rhett groaned. 

“Shut up, Stanley!” Link cried, standing up to be next to Rhett. “Look, it’s been a very slow night for us. So unless you want to piss off a demon and a vampire and a goblin, fuck off.”

“I’m here too,” Stanley said, but only received the bird from Link.

“We know how to deal with your kind,” the second man said, pulling out a crucifix to hold at arm's length towards the pair. 

“. . . Uh, you wanna tell him or do I?” Rhett asked, glancing at Link.

“Go right ahead,” Link said before cackling. Rhett stepped forward with a nod, grabbing the crucifix to throw over his shoulder.

“You guys are really dumb. Religious items, especially Christian items, don’t do anything to us. Dumbasses,” Rhett said with a snicker. “So, what was that about you knowing how to deal with ‘our kind?’” 

The men were stumped for a bit. They hadn’t expected to be confronted by a vampire and a demon, let alone have what they’d been taught fail so miserably. Looking at each other, the men moved to grab something inside their rain soaked jackets. Knives that were close to short swords were revealed, making Rhett sigh and wonder what he did to deserve this karma for the night. It wasn’t even that hard to deal with, just a bother. In moments, he dealt with the men who didn’t land a scratch on him as he threw them back out into the rain where they got back up to hobble away while holding their hurt limbs.

“Nicely done,” Link said with a slow clap. “They made it so easy though. Cults just aren’t what they used to be.”

“Yeah, usually they bring villagers with pitchforks,” Rhett said, shaking his head. “Go get the girl and we’ll head out. I don’t wanna feed with my dick out in an alley with those guys around.”

“Aye aye, Demon Captain,” Link said, giving Rhett a salute before going over to the women’s restroom. He peeked in with a disarmingly charming smile. “Hey girl. Hey Sweethang, it’s okay to come-” 

BONK!

Link was on the ground as broken ceramic laid around him. Rhett looked at him before raising his eyes to see the girl standing over Link with what was left of the toilet tank lid in her hands. 

“Huh,” Rhett said as Frank went about cleaning up the bar. “That was unexpected.”

“I know what you are, just stay back,” the girl said, backing up as she grabbed a bag from the floor. “I don’t want any trouble, just let me go.”

“That’s not happening, especially after you hit my friend over the head,” Rhett said. “Link, you okay?”

“ ‘m fine,” the vampire mumbled as he slowly stood up. Shaking the bits of toilet from his hair, he huffed and cracked his neck. “Thank Lucifer that my head’s thicker than steel.”

“Yeah, don’t be thanking him yet,” the demon said, nodding to the bathroom where the scared girl was cornered as she desperately dug in her bag for a weapon. “Still gotta get Take Out.”

“I’ll get her,” Link said, turning back to the girl. “Just calm down, we’re not going to hurt you.”

“You just called me Take Out,” the girl snapped before throwing water from a bottle into his face. Link felt like he’d walked into a sitcom. That was the only way to explain all the stupidity that the night had brought to him. “Th-that was holy water. You’re supposed to be weak against it!”

“Yeah, you missed the lesson early,” Link said, wiping his face before crowding her into the corner, bracketing her in with his arms. His eyes locked with hers as his blue irises began to ebb and flow in a captivating way. She couldn’t look away as she stared into his eyes as she started to let her guard down. “That’s it. Just relax. We’re gonna go back to Rhett’s place and have a calm evening,” Link said softly, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of teal hair back behind her ear. “You’re gonna have lots of fun.”

“I’m gonna have lots of fun,” she mumbled as he smirked.

“That’s right, Darlin’,” he said. “Now let’s go before your friends come back.” Taking her hand, Link led her out of the bar and past Rhett. The demon watched, glad the other decided to use his hypnotic abilities instead of just trying to sweet talk her. It would make things so much easier. 

Then he figured out almost too late that she was faking it.

Just in time, Rhett grabbed her arm before she could slip from Link’s grasp completely. 

“No, no, no,” he hissed, pulling her close to him before pinning her to a grungy, brick wall. “How the hell did you do that?” Rhett demanded as he released his own sort of hypnotic power. A pheromone that would lull her into a trance that worked on everyone. “You wanna tell me how you got out of Link’s little trick?” He cooed as his lips hovered over hers. It was like holding magnets apart that were fighting to press against each other, but Rhett had had centuries of practice to know exactly how to work a person.

“I-I-” The girl stuttered as her gaze became foggy and her body lax. Rhett didn’t let go though as he didn’t want a slip up to occur. How had she done that? He’d seen Link control the most stubborn of people without a problem, but she just slipped right out of it no problem. “I don’t know.”

“Mmm, not gonna cut it, Honey,” he purred as he held back from letting her kiss him. She craned her neck, whimpering softly as Rhett stayed just out of reach. “You can tell lil’ ol’ me anything.”

“I don’t-” She cut off, her eyes closing as she took a deep breath. Ooo, she was trying to fight it. Rhett hadn’t had someone challenge him in a while. Ignoring Link as he shuffled and huffed to the side, he let his and her lips almost meet. His tongue swiped over her bottom lip to taste her and he nearly came right then. 

“What the fuck are you?” He breathed. No one tasted like that and no one had that effect on him before. 

“Mix,” she whispered, swallowing hard. “Mix of things. They made me and want me to-to clean,” she panted as she gripped the lapels of his leather jacket. 

“Okay, gotcha,” Rhett grunted as he pulled away a moment. This girl was something else and as hard as he was in his pants suddenly, the mystery made him need to know more. 

But first he needed to feed. 

“Let’s go, Honey. Don’t worry, Rhett and Link are gonna take good care of you,” he moaned as he kept a grip on her arm as they walked. Rhett wasn’t going to risk touching her right there in the open more than he had to. The walk to Rhett’s place was quick from the bar. Just a few blocks to his loft. It was large by LA standards, but Rhett was always good at getting what he wanted. There were black out curtains already in place with the ‘bedroom’ being partitioned off by curtains. Most demons didn’t care for decor, rather to be living in darkness and dimly lit basements. Rhett however was more adaptive to his human food, making it so they were more at ease. After all, to him fear tasted bitter and acidic when he fed. If the person was having fun and enjoying themselves it was much more flavorful and pleasing to the senses.

Link didn’t care so long as he got to eat. Emotions didn’t have a taste to him. For vampires the blood had to be warm and not old, so drinking from the dead was a no go. That was the ghoul territory. 

Sometimes Link and Rhett partied through the night, but mostly they were more into sharing a person between them than a group. Whether it was because Rhett felt like he was eating fast food when in a group or because Link didn’t want to deal with fighting or flirting or putting effort into a meal, the two dined together often. Link practically lived at Rhett’s place as well. If he wasn’t there then he was partying somewhere else, but usually came back a night or two later.

Inside Rhett’s loft, that was when he dared to loosen his grip on the girl’s arm. In a flash she was already making a break for the door. Unfortunately, Link was already locking it before she got there. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” The vampire asked with a smirk, backing her up into the loft. She stumbled before hitting Rhett who chuckled as she spun to put distance between them and her. 

“Please, I’m sorry you had a run in with those men, but I didn’t want anything to do with them,” she said, holding up her hands as if that would stop them. 

“Now, why start lying now?” Rhett asked with a sigh. “You were able to brush off Link like he was some creep at a bar and my charm wore off in under ten minutes. That doesn’t happen with humans. At least the average human.”

“Can we just eat? I’m hungry,” Link sighed. “I only had coke and blood shots last night. . . I think.”

“Alright, we’ll eat,” Rhett said, reaching out to easily grab the girl. He stripped her jacket off as well as the bulky sweater she had on, leaving her in a tank top and jeans as she skittered away on squeaky, wet boots. “Come on, it’s okay. We’re not gonna hurt you or kill you.” She looked from Rhett to Link, clearly unsure of what to do before she made a run for the door again. 

This time it was Rhett to catch her. He pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her hard. The girl went pliant in his arms as he pulled back, giving him a dazed look. 

“Better, Honey?” He asked with a smirk. She nodded with a soft moan as he lifted her up to carry her to the large, round bed. Link followed, kicking his own boots off as he peeled his blazer and shirt from his torso. Rhett was already in just his jeans as the girl was on her back in her underwear and tank top when he caught up

Link moaned as the sight as he joined them on the bed. Rhett lifted her leg up to pull it over his hip as he kissed her, groaning and panting as he fed. It was something that Link liked to watch. He could see that pearlescent shimmer drift between their mouths as the demon kissed her. He palmed himself through the leather pants, groaning as he began to kiss along her shoulder. It sent a jolt through him as he lapped at her skin.

That wasn’t normal. 

Not that it stopped him. If anything, he craved more. Grasping her hip, Link’s fangs scraped over her skin delicately, teasing. The more he tasted, the more it went to his head. Her skin alone had him shivering from need and that had never happened before. It was confusing, but not enough to make him stop and question it. 

“Oh fuck,” Rhett gasped as he pulled back. Laying on his back, he was shaking as his body digested what he’d just had. He felt full and was so close cumming in his pants that he was sure he would with just a stroke. “You gotta taste her,” he panted as he reached down to open his jeans carefully. His cock was aching and looked as if he’d been edged for hours. “Then you gotta let me fuck you.”

There was no need for more prompting as Link pulled the girl into his lap. Helping her straddle him, he groaned as he pushed her hair to the side and licked up her neck. His fangs elongated before he bit down hard into her neck. She let out a choked cry, seemingly brought from her trance that Rhett had her under as she began to fight against Link. He held her easily enough, keeping her from hurting either of them as he drank. 

Just like with Rhett, it didn’t take long before he was full. She barely bled but was already passed out in his arms when he let go just a few moments later. Link lapped at her neck, letting his saliva do its work in clotting and healing. 

“Good girl,” Link moaned as he licked his lips, setting her down next to him before turning to Rhett. “You need something, Bo?” He asked with a smirk. His pupils were blown as if he’d been snorting one of the many drugs he enjoyed. Seeing the cock he crawled over to the demon to straddle him, letting his leather covered ass rub against the demon’s cock. 

“Fucking hell,” Rhett snarled as he rolled them to be on top. “Don’t fucking tease. Not now.” He leaned in, claiming Link’s lips as he rutted against him. “Get those pants off or I’m tearing them off.”

Most of the time, Link wasn’t scared of much. In fact, he liked to goad Rhett on and tease till the other was pinning him and doing very dirty, vile things to him. At that moment though, Link was faced with how powerful Rhett truly was. The vampire was nothing compared to the demon and if Link wasn’t smart right then, he’d end up needing more than a new pair of pants.

Nodding, Link shoved the pants down his legs without even undoing them. When they were out of the way, Rhett was tossing them to the side before pushing at his hole. The good thing about having a friends with benefits relationship with a sex demon was no matter what, where, or when they had sex there was no prep needed. Link’s body just relaxed as Rhett’s cock produced more than enough lube with his precum. 

“Shit!” Link gasped as Rhett pushed past that tight ring of muscles. “Oh shit, Rhett,” he sputtered, looking at the other wide eyed. Just from the small feeding, both were on the edge which meant they needed to work fast. Not pausing to make sure he was stretched, Rhett began to drill into Link. The vampire held on for dear life, his own cock weeping between their bellies. Rhett kissed the other hard, shoving his tongue into his mouth to claim him, tasting the girl’s blood still in his mouth. 

In just a few short minutes of rough, animalistic sex, it was over. Rhett spilled into Link as the other came hard on them. Both were shaking and gasping for breath, despite one not needing to actually breathe. 

“Oh fuck,” Rhett moaned as he licked and kissed Link’s lips as he stayed in the other. “That was intense.”

“Yeah,” Link nodded, slowly uncurling and letting go of the other. “What the hell was that?” Neither of them knew for sure, but one thing they did know was that they were going to keep that girl around.

**Author's Note:**

> -screams into the void- DO I MAKE ANOTHER!? DO I JUST BURY MYSELF AFTER THIS!? I HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD BUT HERE I AM AT 4 AM POSTING VAMPIRE/DEMON/WHATEVER SMUT!


End file.
